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· The black kids outside my apartment: "Welcome to the neighborhood. Hope you have a bullet-proof vest."
· "Hey, buddy. You dropped your blinker."
· "Are you in a fraternity... Noooooooooo!"
· "Leggo my leggo."
· "I just closed my eyes and wished happy thoughts," said Kevin.
· "Didn't someone die on this ride once...? Yeah, and he was sitting in your
seat."
· The "sweat pool" and more fat people in bathing suits than I care to recall.
· "Is my patty ready?"
· Beating the black woman out of the parking lot at King's Dominion.
· Finding the only Checkers in Maryland.
· Mel for Queen of the Universe 4000: "Read a book."
· "Sorry, Caitlyn. They don't have rum raisin."
· "So, are you and your husband going to get divorced...?
Say 'yes!'"
· Couple racing into Baltimore City.
· Beating the Hell out of the moon bounce at Eric's.
· Rule # 2
· "My room is that-a-way!"
· The pig at the Cow
· Accidental penetration
· Two pairs of swimming trunks: $30.00
Two pairs of bikinis: $40.00
Not wearing any of them: priceless
· "It's a civil war of engineering."
· "If you're up against the Blue Team, you're the through team."
· Warning: playing Snoop Dogg may cause black kids to suddenly come running towards your car
· Kevin: "Why are we at the food store?"
Me: "To get a new brother. They sell them in aisle 7."
Mom: "Aisle 7? isn't that the fruitcake aisle?"
· The "ultimate margaritas"
· The potato gun
· "There's nothing wrong with that cat that a brain transplant can't fix...
or a shotgun."
· A moon bounce and a swimming pool full of strawberry jello.
· Kevin asking the magic 8 ball if he was gay.
· "The Incredible Bulk"
· More phone jokes than I can remember: "How was your day...?
It was good... so so good."
· "What religion are you...? Fuck you! Where do you think we go when we die...?
We go to fuck you!"
· Full-contact bare-knuckle moon bouncing.
· Craig and Eric stealing my car.
· Taking pictures of Mom in the moon bounce... and then video-taping her.
· "What is your position on the issue of black people...?
You know how I feel about black people."
· Realizing how hot Craig and I look as girls.
· "Hey, kid. Lookin' for a good time?"
· Punkin' Cunkin'
· The People's Champions
· 150 kids in the roller skating rink, and less than 15 cars in the parking lot.
· Creepy Crawlers, Quicksand, Hulk, and
The Secret of NIMH.
· "Mummy's may look yummy, but they're not for tummy."
· Roy to Eric: "First you kill our Messiah and now this."
· Dirty Jobs... "I knew there was going to be a catfish in there! I saw him there the other day...
How do I know if it's a snapping turtle of a fish...? If it doesn't bite your fingers off, it's a fish."
· "Come on guys, let's go out to our used cars."
· "Remember last time I tried to pour the milkshake like this and it spilled... Whoops!"
· "Mom, Chris touched the magic garden."
· "Mr. Gary, Mr. Gary..."
· "What kind of truck is that... It's a 4x4. That's what they said in the
beginning."
· Roy: "We rode that horse as long as we could."
· Caitlyn: "You're the shortest guy I've ever dated."
· Me: "You, Emily, Irene, and I are all together and I'm the king."
Kevin: "Where am I?"
· Revolver Colt 1911A1 Semi-Automatic Pistol
· "I SUSPECT... IT WAS COLONEL MUSTARD... IN THE LIBRARY... WITH THE CANDLESTICK."
· Hide and seek in the snow: "Wouldn't it be scary if someone where hiding in there? Oh crap!"
· "Hey, man, you lookin' for green?"
· "Would you like to join a Bible study group...? I'm
Jewish."
· "Ventura... Yes, Satan?"
· Craig: "How do you know if you have a hemorrhoid?"
· Extreme tubing in the front yard.
· Kevin: "Don't you guys want to play Yoshi's Island?"
· "Let's crunk this joint!"
· Following the Minkoves to Target: "We were just on our way to the Target in Westminster when..."
· Bethany, the master bowler
· Kevin trying to explain his video game: "The giant praying mantis plant was an experiment by the space pirates."
· "Racing on the street is like kissing your sister: it just doesn't make any sense."
· The new sexual position: "the triangle"
· "Son of a..." as Caitlyn comes down with the video camera.
· Bill's Meat and Buffalo Shop
· "Here's some napkins... What for?"
· "Nope, not quite ripe yet [taps on head]."
· The code word is "nipple".
· The cool kid at the go-kart track: nothing says thug like driving a 5 hp go-kart one-handed around an empty track by yourself. Straight up gansta!
· Bethany after I showed her partial differentiation on the TI-89: "That's poo!"
· Mrs. Cadwallader implicating me as some sort of pedophile.
· "Did you come up for the fruit picking season?"
· "My balls would be the size of grapefruit... Oh hi, Matt."
· "Chlamydia Kitten"
· "I'm coo-coo for Coco Crisp"
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