Temporal Panacea
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In his second lyric poetry collection, Temporal Panacea, Christopher Spicer evolves his written technique through years of relentless reflection and incisive introspection. Journey through an evocative and haunting compilation of works that represent not only self-portraiture, but a mirror held to a shared human experience. And discover that while time may not promise to heal all wounds, perhaps it is through the scars that we earn our wisdom.
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Us
If it helps you get through
To pretend you're not missed
I'll bite guilty lips
Still warm from your kiss
And if it helps you get through
To think it's easy on me
I'll cry covertly
Each night I can't sleep
I know it brings you no peace
To know you're still part of me
I never wanted this to end
But can't pretend I'm happy
Someway, somehow
I just can't be "us" right now
If it helps you get through
To be a picture of pain
I'll take center stage
In each one that you paint
And if it helps you get through
To drown yourself in the loss
I'll match every shot
'Til I'm gone from your thoughts
I know it brings you no peace
To know you're still part of me
I never wanted this to end
But can't pretend I'm happy
Someway, somehow
I just can't be "us" right now
So blame it on me
I'm the reason you hurt
I can't be what you deserve
Just the villain you need
The weeks turn to months
Though it won't help you heal
I pray that time will reveal
You will always be loved
Someway, somehow
I just can't be "us" right now
Pretty
You take my hand inside of yours
And lead me lightly down the hall
Each kiss feels like the very first
Each touch pulls down another wall
Our story forged in heavy breaths
Your skin as perfect as the ruse
Your body tastes of false pretense
But tonight I'm yours to use
Even if I knew it then
I'd still be helpless to defend
Lost myself in pretty eyes
Gave myself to pretty lips
Not knowing that the wounds you cut
Would always be the prettiest
Make a wish upon a lie
And wrap it up in checkered sheets
Empty as our scattered clothes
We lie cocooned in our defeat
The truth revealed in bitter tears
That our detachment kept us close
Of all the scars that never healed
You're still the pain I miss the most
Even if I knew it then
I'd still be helpless to defend
Lost myself in pretty eyes
Gave myself to pretty lips
Not knowing that the wounds you cut
Would always be the prettiest
Our best moves
So tried and true
We pull our talents from the shelf
Just to prove
They're better used
In time, for torturing ourselves
Even if I knew it then
I'd still be helpless to defend
The pain behind those pretty lips
Will always be the prettiest
From Your Eyes
You look as good as ever
Has it really been so long?
Feels like it has been forever
Another life now come and gone
Though you've heard me say, "I miss you"
Every chance that came along
The words I owe are overdue
I'm sorry that I dragged this on
So cruelly set you on fire
Then hung myself up as the martyr
If I had escaped
For one moment from my mind
I'd have come to realize
That the pain was not all mine
I might have tried
To see things from your eyes
You spared me every tear you cried
That I tried daily to out-best
Crafting all the coldest lines
To bury deep inside your chest
So consumed with my own pain
I left all your wounds undressed
Less the victim than the villain
Your dreams were never mine to test
So cruelly set you on fire
Then hung myself up as the martyr
If I had escaped
For one moment from my mind
I'd have come to realize
That the pain was not all mine
I might have tried
To see things from your eyes
Your first choice now, I understand
To keep me out of sight
Close second then must be to see
My head upon a pike
But one day soon the time will come
When I grow up
And maybe we can talk again
Years later but I learned the lesson
Losing love didn't have to mean
Also losing a friend
It was never once my place
To keep you from your life
If only I had tried
To see things from your eyes
Ship of Dreams
Past the warmth the memories hold
April never felt so cold
Too intently looking aft
To see the shadow in my path
Not a single drink is spilled
As the engine room is filled
The volume that I once displaced
A gaping hole now open to the waves
I held that I was watertight
But against this moonless night
A darkly outlined silhouette
Slips beneath the North Atlantic ice
The davits hang over the side
Suspending severed lifeboat lines
Escaped my fate, all souls have left
As frigid waves embrace my chest
The ocean grows silent and still
I pray the cold will quickly fill
The water that my lungs have drawn
And maybe I won't have to sink for long
I held that I was watertight
But against this moonless night
A darkly outlined silhouette
Slips beneath the North Atlantic ice
Resigned that time scattered our lives
Across the bottom of the sea
Come to find that you survived
And made it to the last lifeboat
While I held to the anchor rope
So convinced that hope would float
Beneath the waves, an unmarked grave
Lies waiting just for me
Promenade out on the deck
As music fills a starry night
Alone inside the wheelhouse
The captain swears that he smells ice
We engineered this ship of dreams
Far more fragile than it seemed
Alone I'll go down with the dream
Far more fragile than I seemed
Alone I'll go down with the dream...
Resigned that time scattered our lives
Across the bottom of the sea
Come to find that you survived
And made it to the last lifeboat
While I held to the anchor rope
So convinced that hope would float
Beneath the waves, an unmarked grave
Lies waiting just for me
Ocean Isle Beach
Shorter days bring biting cold
Declaring summer is no more
But still the tide inside my chest
Pounds like waves against the shore
A lighthouse stands atop my shelf
Painted with your fingerprints
A torch that burns with orange dreams
And tastes of sunscreen on your skin
Oh, how we wished that we could stay
And then it all just washed away
Footprints left like promises
To fend their fate against the wind
Disappear beneath the foam
And fade like breakers into mist
A breeze as salty as the wound
That the loss would leave behind
Inside a box of broken shells
Echoes the best week of my life
Oh, how we wished that we could stay
And then it all just washed away
I wonder if upon that shore
Still remain two grains of sand
Forever lying side-by-side
Just as they were inside our hands
The fallen sculpture of a dream
A memory just out of reach
Collecting dust inside a glass
That says, "Ocean Isle Beach"
A castle shared among the shells
But the walls could not defend
When the hands that formed them slipped apart
And the waves returned again
The fallen sculpture of a dream
A memory just out of reach
Collecting dust inside a glass
That says, "Ocean Isle Beach"
I'll Wait
Cast in moonlight, curtains glow
We lie, embraced in crumpled sheets
The movie's only just begun
As you drift peacefully to sleep
I dare not make a muscle move
And disturb this perfect scene
For dreaming there inside my arms
My world is perfectly complete
The music fades to background noise
But it moves us to the core
Heartbeats set the rhythm now
And lead us lightly 'crossed the floor
A dance I wish would never end
As we glide weightlessly in time
The faces seem to disappear
This moment's purely yours and mine
Tell me that you felt it too
Tell me that it meant as much to you
I know that we were meant to be
And if some time is all you need
I'll let you go
And watch you grow
I'll wait a million summers
To feel, once more, your arms around me
The breeze is crisp as autumn leaves
The scent of cider fills the air
I pull you close against the chill
Nestled safely in the chair
Swinging there upon the porch
We wait like pumpkins on the vine
A kiss to seal a moment shared
As we sit perfectly entwined
Snowflakes soon transform the world
We watch them warmly from your room
Each one a promise crystallized
That our season's soon to bloom
Beneath the covers, holding close
You leave me nothing left to wish
I dare not sleep nor close my eyes
This dream is perfect as it is
Tell me that you felt it too
Tell me that it meant as much to you
I know that we were meant to be
And if some time is all you need
I'll let you go
And watch you grow
I'll wait a million winters
To feel, once more, your arms around me
I'll wait
However long it takes
And even if my hope's a waste
I promise you each hopeful breath I take
It's all that I am certain of
We are the reason God created love
We are the reason God created love...
I know that we were meant to be
And if it takes a million lifetimes
I'll wait
To feel, once more, your arms around me
Candle
The music starts to play
The ceremony's underway
Lifeless there beneath the rope
As the bells, they fade away
Each step further back in time
You lead, I'll follow close behind
Every eye focused on her
But you're all that's on my mind
And now I watch the candle
Flicker only out of reach
All the times I dreamed
That you might stand here next to me
Not the way I had in mind
Still it takes the breath from me
The ceremony's through
But again you'll stand here soon
Your turn then to tie the knot
With someone who deserves you
And now I watch the candle
Flicker only out of reach
The distance has become too great
To feel the warmth amidst the flame
Perhaps the seasons cooled the blaze
Perhaps the arrow missed its aim
To leave the promises exchanged
Never now to bear our names
Still, sidelined, I incinerate
With no one left but me to blame
Two flames, two lives, intertwined
But today I stand here crushed
To see the candle in between
And know that it will never burn for us
I had and I held
Through better and through worse
I loved and I cherished
But today I only hurt
In you I lost a lover
Worse, in you I lost a friend
Now facing what may be the last
Time we'll ever meet again
Two flames, two lives, fate divides
And today I stand here crushed
To see the candle in between
And know that it will never burn for us
Some day may we not pretend?
Will we ever be again?
Sleepless
Twilight fades from the horizon
The glow slips coldly into night
Blankets pulled up to my eyes
But there's a chill I cannot fight
From the desk across the room
A face-down frame is taunting me
Held captive by a racing mind
When all I want is just to sleep
But still I can't turn back the clock...
I'm wide awake
Dreaming of golden summer days
The scent of your golden hair
And every bedroom game we'd play
But now I come to seal my fate
With every hour that I waste
Growing old alone
Held only by the memories we made
Trapped forever in the life
That keeps me sleepless every night
I question every move I made
Overanalyze the years
No closer to an answer
And the morning's almost here
I scream out loud as I can scream
But the waves stay in my head
The thought of all I've lost with you
Now all that lies with me in bed
But still I can't turn back the clock...
I'm wide awake
Dreaming of golden summer days
The scent of your golden hair
And every bedroom game we'd play
But now I come to seal my fate
With every hour that I waste
Growing old alone
Held only by the memories we made
Trapped forever in the life
That keeps me sleepless every night
Knock me out
Any way that I may sleep
And if I pass amidst the dream
Of this perfect memory
Then I won't have to die alone
Knowing that it wasn't meant to be
Forget the hours that I waste
Forget the memories we made
And break forever from the life
That keeps me sleepless every night
Wind Eulogy
I see the shadows creeping in
And know my fate will find me soon
A vacant chest still drawing breath
That was long ago entombed
Decompose into the bed
Where I once remembered love
For all you added to my life
Yours, I never even touched
Dirt returning back to dirt
A life as unmarked as its stone
A name that's left on no one's breath
Who lived, and died, and lies alone
Unknown
And unredeemed
Carry nothing more of me
The wind will be my eulogy
I found a home inside your heart
And found myself in your embrace
Built monuments to memories
That you were destined to replace
Held on 'til I turned to dust
As my Angel came and left
You didn't want me in this life
Could you love me in the next?
Dirt returning back to dirt
A life as unmarked as its stone
A name that's left on no one's breath
Who lived, and died, and lies alone
Unknown
And unredeemed
Carry nothing more of me
The wind will be my eulogy
Swallow all that I have lost
'Til I'm sure I've overdosed
Bury not one memory
For I was never but a ghost
I died today
Leaving not a soul to pray
I died today
But my footprints faded yesterday
Unknown
And unredeemed
Carry nothing more of me
The wind will be my eulogy
Leaves
Watch them go
Those whom we have loved the most
Always wanting one more day
Before we're holding only ghosts
All that's left
Leaving now in shallow breaths
Curled up tight to fight the cold
In the dark you wait for death
And I pray
That I might be taken instead
In my arms
Hold my breath to hear your heart
Tears cling now to lifeless eyes
And wait to pull the world apart
Time is up
Still your hair my fingers brush
The silence screams, "I let you down"
I never held you tight enough
And I pray
That you died knowing you were loved
Now lay you down
Beneath this weeping tree
Into the ground
And bury too a piece of me
The butterflies float gracefully
The mantises pray quietly
I'll settle with them in the shade
And know you live inside these leaves
Dig a grave
Then back to work
None are saved
Fate is never what's deserved
This is not what you deserved!
(What if I loved you one day sooner?)
This is not what you deserved!
(What if I could have saved you?)
Now lay you down
Beneath this weeping tree
Into the ground
And bury too a piece of me
The butterflies float gracefully
The mantises pray quietly
I'll settle with them in the shade
And know you live inside these leaves
Spring will come and fall will fade
I'll visit you beneath the shade
Your spirit light as summer's breeze
And know you live inside these leaves
Kirk
Scotty, will you beam me up?
I've had all that I can take
This planet that I once called home
Seems so distant and so strange
Scotty, will you beam me up?
I can't cling on much more
My only hope to boldly go
Where no man has gone before
So fire up the warp drive
Full power to the engines
Let's plot a course away from here
And this world of our invention
The voyage, full of danger
The destination, to be seen
But I prefer a ship among the stars
And I like my women green
Scotty, will you beam me up?
This phaser's left me stunned
Bring me back up to the crew
Because down here I have no one
Scotty, will you beam me up?
The shields are failing fast
Let's give her all that she has got
Or this breath could be our last
So fire up the warp drive
Full power to the engines
Let's plot a course away from here
And this world of our invention
The voyage, full of danger
The destination, to be seen
But I prefer a ship among the stars
And I like my women green
I'm not sure what I'm looking for
But I know that I can't stay
Brave doesn't mean not knowing fear
Brave means going anyway
The voyage, full of danger
The destination, to be seen
But I prefer a ship among the stars
And I like my women green
From Dust to Stars
Out of nothing, everything
This abyss of space and time
In a universe pulling apart
We find the gravity that binds
Amidst the singularities
Potential holds so patiently
Waiting for a single push
To become kinetic energy
Amidst the singularities
Each heartbeat pumping entropy
From the chaos, catalyze
A galaxy waiting to be
With every breath
Spinning as we coalesce
Chemistry, as gravity
Draws us through the space between
Ignites the sky with heat and light
Merging, burning brightly in the night
Expanding through a freezing void
Fusion holds a strange allure
The sky explodes with points of light
As we combine our very cores
Now this galaxy is ours
We hold, embraced in spiral arms
Pulling inward as we spin
Warmly atop this bed of stars
Now this galaxy is ours
And even when the sky grows dark
The love we held will always live
As the dust that once made stars
With every breath
Spinning as we coalesce
Chemistry, as gravity
Draws us through the space between
Ignites the sky with heat and light
Merging, burning brightly in the night
In darkness everything begins
To darkness everything returns
But through the time and space between
We were the brightest thing that burned
We were the brightest thing that burned...